Submitted by Anne Lao - JAMMIES Coordinator
I recently experienced a conflict with a family member that has preoccupied my mind. I can not stand the feeling I get when I experience tension with others. Personally, I hate conflict. Even the word conflict sounds painful! It has a harsh ring to it. Conflict invites anger to set in, my negative attitude to take root and everything begins spiraling down. Conflict causes me more bodily stress than anything I do. Going to the gym has helped, but it is a temporary relief and release and ultimately, not enough. People think it’s stressful to speak to crowds, and it can be. But I’d rather speak to a million people than experience tension with just one, especially if it is someone I care about.
I know God created us to be relational and we in fact do better by working together. Not only has He summoned us into a personal relationship with Himself, but He invites us to have significant relationships with other people.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either one of them falls down, one can help him up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help him up. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
In my time of praying, reflection and consulting others, believe it or not, conflict can actually be a part of God’s strategy to transform me into the person He wants me to be. God can use the conflict in my life for His glory. Conflict can be part of God’s adventure for me. Yes I know, you think I am crazy. I think I am crazy for even saying it. How can relational conflict possibly be an adventure (and oh how I love adventures!)? Think of it this way; the one factor present in all adventures is conflict. In order to have an adventure, you need some sort of obstacle to overcome. Your plane could be delayed, kids crying the whole plane ride, you forget some sort of document or forget to pack Sara's favorite blanket, your baggage gets lost, your room not being ready and so forth.
Whenever we are involved in conflict, we are forced to overcome an obstacle. In dealing with that obstacle, we are invited to seek Christ more intensely. That is when the adventure begins. When the conflict causes us to have sleepless nights and then drives us to our knees. You try not to think about it, but it never leaves until there is some type of resolution. In the midst of the conflict, we encounter a situation that is so unclear, difficult, and tension filled, that we need a good tour guide to navigate the path. This is where Jesus comes in. He joins us and offers us a clear light to the other side. Think of Jesus walking out on the water to Peter in the midst of a storm (Matthew 14:22-33). With water raging all around him, Peter is offered a new glimpse into a life of faith. He would never have received that opportunity if he had not been out in a storm.
Is there a storm brewing in your life? As for me, time and wise counsel have helped heal some wounds. But most importantly, it is my reliance on God to help pave the way for my relationship with my family member. For God to teach me how to be more understanding and sincere in my words and deeds, how to be more compassionate, and extending grace above all else. It could mean giving up my time and being with the person to lend a helping hand or just listening. It could also be swallowing my pride and being the one to take the first step to reach out. Whatever it may be, you are not alone for He is with you. It is never too late to mend relationships.
Richard Blackaby in his book, Putting a Face on Grace, has a list of tips that has helped me and may do the same for you when trials brew:
- Speak words intended to build up, not to bring down.
- Focus on their need rather then your own.
- Freely forgive.
- Swallow you pride and say, “I’m sorry,” and “I was wrong.”
- Live your life with a goal of “no regrets.”
- Don’t keep score of what is fair.
- Grace doesn’t condemn or give up on people.
- Grace emphasizes mercy, not justice.
- Read 1 Corinthians 13 regularly.
I am reminded how Christ extends His hand to us and invites us to walk with Him through the storm. As we seek Him, He transforms us into deeper, richer, and more meaningful people. As hard as it may be, conflict is the catalyst that God uses to show Himself to us and to cause new growth to happen in our lives. Keep in mind that it is God's Spirit within us who will change us into becoming better people.
Whoever would love life, and see good days, must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it.
1 Peter 3:10-11
No comments:
Post a Comment